THE CHICKS WITH DICKS TOUR: Day One

We have finally made it to Portland, though it was a long and arduous journey, filled with hot crotches and rude drivers. We ended up leaving at around 11 AM yesterday after hitting up Jiffy Lube for an oil change, then gas, then Micky D’s. Because what’s a road trip without a McGriddle, am I right? Armed with a bag of Trader Joes snacks and our trusty penis pals, Eugene and Marcel, we hit the road. Hence the name, Chicks With Dicks Tour.

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Our buddies Marcel (left) and Eugene (right).

Our first stop along the way was the Geiser Grand Hotel, which Penny promised boasted one of the biggest stained glass ceilings in America, definitely the biggest in the northwest. She also mentioned it having the fanciest bathroom she’d ever been in, and as a connoisseur of fancy bathrooms, of course, I had to take a gander. Needless to say, it did not disappoint. In the cafe, I indulged in some root beer (which I think is honestly going to be my signature drink on this trip) and her some strawberry lemonade.

 

There was also a rather creepy old staircase warning people not to enter outside of the hotel, so of course, we could not resist a picture.

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Marcel also had some fun at the hotel.

 

We left, and went on the road again. As we drew closer and closer to Portland, the scenery got greener and greener. They call Boise the city of trees, but let me tell you, we ain’t shit. There’s trees in Oregon like nobody’s damn business. We’re like, shrubbery compared to this sea of magnificent forest. We took a detour on the scenic route to appreciate the green, and stopped to see Horsetail Falls and Multnomah Falls.

 

Of course, Marcel stopped to admire the wonders of nature.

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After that, back on the road, though it was a short drive from there to Portland, only about a half hour. Eugene was getting anxious to get out of the car and stretch his little feets.

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But eventually, we did get here safe. We took a shower to cleanse ourselves of the sweat, plopped down, popped Monty Python and the Holy Grail into her aunt and uncle’s DVD player, and relaxed. We met some cats, as well, a true highlight of our arrival. We had our Trader Joe’s snacks for dinner, which probably wasn’t the greatest decision, but hey, there were granola bars, that’s healthy, right?

Anyway. We got a good night’s sleep and are now ready to face the day, starting with some dim sum. I shall report back tonight!

♥ Kell

PS: Here is a photo of Eugene on a dinosaur.

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